Monday, May 18, 2009

The Great Garden Experiment

OK, so Christel has her ducks and chickens. Quite an undertaking. Not to be outdone, I'm going back to a simpler time myself - I'm growing my own food.

It started out simple enough - a few tomato plants and various peppers:

Whiskey barrels filled with topsoil and a few plants just seemed too easy. A patch of uncultivated ground in the corner of the backyard began calling to me. So off we went!

After scouring the Internet for tips on vegetable gardens and learning about things like "compost" and "mulch" and "manure" and the like, I laid out my plan on paper. "15 feet X 10 feet ought to do it," I thought to myself without any actual clue. In any event, 10 X 15 is about all I want to try and conquer. Dad fired up the rototiller and I learned how to actually use one!

Rows. Everything in rows. I only had room for seven, and frankly that might be crowding things a bit. Two rows of corn, and one each of zuchinni, summer squash, green onions, lettuce, cucumbers. And a quick prayer! I had a typical supervisor (Arnie The Terrible), lounging in the shade yelling at me to work harder.

And what good is a garden without a scarecrow? Mine looks menacing. Even Arnie wasn't quite
sure what to make of him:

Lastly, I'm sure this endeavor will require some divine intervention in order to succeed. Never hurts to have some inspiration from God.

God Bless!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

So much for my summer vacation plans...

Well, doggone it! Those pesky Swiss are at it again! Just as I was about to book my ticket to Switzerland for a fun-filled, clothing-optional trek through the Alps, the Swiss tell me to keep my clothes on! Where's the ACLU when you really need it?
APPENZELL, Switzerland (AP) — Voters in the heart of the Swiss Alps on Sunday passed legislation banning naked hiking after dozens of mostly German nudists started rambling through their picturesque region.

The cantonal government recommended the ban after citizens objected to encountering walkers wearing nothing but hiking boots and socks.
I like this kind of news, because it helps me to realize that there is, in fact, still some common sense in the world. There are very few things that most people should do while naked. I'm reminded of a Seinfeld episode that enlightened all of us on the merits of "good naked" v. "bad naked." Some of the "beautiful" people might be able to pull it off (no pun intended), but most of us don't qualify. Personally, I blindfold myself before I step into the shower. Nothing strikes me as more goofy than donning some wool socks and hiking boots - and nothing else - and then scrambling up a bunch of rocks. Where does one carry a water bottle or snacks? Wait...PLEASE don't answer that.

God bless the Germans, but I'd rather they stick to brewing beer. At the very least, lederhosen should be worn at all times on all trails.

Might I add a suggestion for the Swiss? Why stop the ban at complete nudity? Let's push forward and ban the ever popular European beach Speedo while we're at it.

Happy (and clothed) trails!